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Warning: This Episode May Cause Laughter
What do fishing lures, frozen pizza, Superman capes, wheelbarrows, toilet brushes, and bottle rockets all have in common? Somehow, some way, they all needed warning labels. And in this episode of The Absurdists, Marlo Anderson and Mary Murphy dive headfirst into the wonderfully ridiculous world of product warnings, bizarre instructions, and the human behavior that must have inspired them.
The conversation begins with a hilarious imagined origin story for warning labels: a factory worker named Harold discovering that someone had tried to iron a shirt while wearing it. From there, Marlo and Mary explore one absurd example after another, asking the question we’re all thinking: Who did this? From airline peanuts labeled “open bag before eating” to disposable cameras marked “for one time use only,” the episode is a celebration of the strange ways common sense apparently takes the day off.
Along the way, the pair riff on warning labels for cardboard sunshields that say not to drive with them in place, blenders that remind users not to remove the lid while running, frozen pizza that warns against eating before cooking, and snow blowers that specifically advise against clearing snow from a roof while standing on the roof. Every label opens the door to even more questions, more laughter, and more disbelief that somebody, somewhere, made these warnings necessary.
Some of the biggest laughs come from the truly unforgettable entries: a bicycle that warns it should not be used as a life preserver, a jet ski labeled “may get wet,” Christmas lights marked for “indoor or outdoor use only,” and a garden hose advising people not to drink from it — which, as Marlo and Mary point out, may be one of childhood’s great joys. There’s also the heartbreakingly funny warning on a Superman costume stating that wearing the garment does not enable flight, along with the priceless note that the manufacturer is not responsible for “flights attempted.”
But like all good episodes of The Absurdists, this one is about more than laughs. Beneath the jokes is a delightful reminder that life is full of tiny absurdities hiding in plain sight. A simple label on a common product can open the door to a whole story about human nature, bad decisions, legal departments, and the strange little moments that make everyday life unexpectedly entertaining. As Marlo puts it, maybe the next time you pick up a product, you should ask yourself: What is the dumbest thing a human being could do with this? There’s a good chance the answer will show up on the packaging eventually.
This episode invites listeners to laugh at the nonsense, appreciate the weirdness, and maybe look a little closer at the products sitting around their own homes. Because somewhere between “do not use as a dental drill” and “keep out of children,” you realize the world is even more absurd than you thought.
And now Marlo and Mary want to hear from you: What’s the funniest or strangest warning label you’ve ever seen? Visit theabsurdistsshow.com and share your favorites. This may be one topic too gloriously ridiculous to cover just once.